The Next Chapter - The New Journey, Life After...

I am beginning to breath again.  I even laughed.  Its amazing how if you're quiet and you open your mind and heart, you can still hear them.  I still hear my Tony giving me advise, expressing his opinion, and reminding me that he is still around.  Getting to this point wasn't easy. The Monday before Valentines Day, I literally put my foot through my bathroom door because Aydin locked himself in the bathroom.  I told him if he didn't open it I was going to kick in the door.  Well OF COURSE I couldn't go back on my word.  Needless to say, I had to replace the door.  I laugh about it now.  Especially when I heard Tony say, WHAT THE HELL WHERE YOU THINKING???  Well what can I say, at least doors can be replaced and it was a great stress reliever.  I reminded Aydin we have 10 more years of this and we can do this the easy way or the hard way.  His eyes I think just went back into his head.  Being a mom doesn't change just cau...

The pain in my heart is the worst type of pain.  Its physical, its tight, it hurts in my chest.  No one understands.  The one person I want to cry to isn't here.  He was ripped from my soul.  And I'm supposed to somehow keep it going.  I'm supposed to get up and put both feet on the floor and keep moving.  My Ashton saw me crying the other night.  And I mean the hard deep gut wrenching cry.  He said, "Mommy, we have to keep moving forward.  Guess what mommy, the sun is going to come up tomorrow."  Why did he have to repeat my words?  I just hugged him.  While I'm speaking these words to my children, I'm asking WHY.  WHY GOD?  I DON'T UNDERSTAND.  We have the love that people read about in story books. I said Have...not had.  I am in love with my Tony...that hasn't and will not ever change.  I have a husband.  I have a relationship with a man that I just can't touch...except for late at night...

Once upon a time there was a man and a woman who had the perfect life.  The house, with the white picket fence, and even a walk in closet.  The house of children with dogs wagging their tails.  This man and woman did everything together.  Cooking, cleaning, sport practices, grocery shopping.  You name it, they did it together.  He was climbing the career latter and she was in the middle of hers.  Laughter and love filled their home.  Then one day, a terrible knock at the door.  It was a horrible monster that invaded their home.  It stole the kids smiles and replaced it with fear.  It tested the couples love and the man's dignity and strength.  It tried to rip them apart. The man quickly grabbed that monster and said, not today sir.  He showed that beast just what he was made of.  For 7 years that monster knocked at their door.  But every time it entered the family began to laugh at it.  The fear turned...