Afraid To Say Out loud

I want to open up to you 

But you'll probably think I'm crazy 

I was in love before 

It was beautiful it was amazing

 

Then he took his last breath 

Felt like I was punched in the chest 

The pain inside my heart 

Pain under my breast 

 

I lost myself 

When I said I do 

Kids house a mortgage 

Then came the cancer that too

 

No longer was I cherished

Caressed and love

Instead, it was doctors and poison

Infusions with gloves

 

I held his hand 

through the pain 

The cancer was killing him 

Making me go insane

 

It was tearing me down 

Watching him fade 

I thought my love 

was strong enough to save

 

His life on Earth 

But I failed 

And now he's gone 

Our ship has sailed 

 

Then here you came 

Into my life 

I know it's too soon 

To be your wife 

 

But you made me smile 

And just be me 

So open and honest 

And carefree 

 

So why do I cry 

In front of you 

When I miss him my husband 

That you never knew 

 

You're not a replacement 

A distraction or shield 

You allowed my heart 

To be open and feel

 

Problem is 

I'm feeling something more 

A feeling I'm experiencing 

Down to my core 

 

Is it love or lust 

I have no clue 

I just know that I'm happy

to be around you

 

I don't want to lose you 

By telling you how I feel 

And let you see the truth inside

I'm sorry is it really that big of a deal

 

For me to open up 

And let it out 

Will it heal my heart 

Or make me shout 

 

This feeling I have 

Of ecstasy

I never thought 

I could be this happy

 

So today I will shout 

With my mouth closed shut 

I'll keep it inside

my broken-down heart




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