Not All Step Mothers Are Evil
Dear Disney,
Thank you for giving Step mothers a bad name. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty...all the stories of the EVIL STEP MOTHER with fathers who died. The father who became sick and how their step mothers were STUCK to raise this child. How awful the children were treated...this misconception has trickled down throughout the years and painted a horrible picture of what a blended family OUGHT to be. Not all of us step mothers are bad. In fact, there is probably more good than bad. Many of us have slipped our step children extra cash when dad wasn't looking because we didn't want them to go hungry, or run out of gas. We sit in the background crying when they are sick because the doctors shove us out of the room for not being "blood." We are told, you don't understand because they aren't your biological child...but the truth is, we fell in love with our step children way faster than we ever fell in love with their dad. For me, it took 5 min of hugs and loves and stories to fall in love with my 3 stepsons...who in fact are my sons...step is not in our vocabulary. No one had a problem praising me for being at their concerts or in times of need. People envied the relationship I have with their moms. While Tony was alive, we had the perfect blended family. So why on earth, when Tony died, did I become the Evil Step Mother. The woman that would take everything and run. Sell all of their father's belongings and take my biological sons and leave. Maybe pain. Maybe because I don't want to be reminded of what I once had. Maybe because I'm grieving and I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. For me however, what hurt the most, is being LABELED. Outside people telling my boys what THEY are ENTITLED to. If dad was alive, would he have given a 19 year old a ring? One he could lose because he's not settled? If dad was alive, would he pass out his guns to an 11 year old who can't legally even have a gun? If dad was alive, what would he say to the greed of his personal possessions?
All this negativity does nothing but hurt the children. Break the trust and love that they share with their step parent. Truth is, its the greed of the outside people wanting to cause more pain to the deceased beloved. Now, not all are like that. Not all family is greedy. Why? Its called communication. Its called, we are ALL going to die one day. None of us are promised tomorrow and when I die, my diamonds will mean absolutely nothing to me. I asked Tony to sit down with the boys and explain his plans, his wishes, and his will. Honestly, it really wasn't anyone's business, but I wanted them to hear it from their dad. I mean lets face it. Did they want to pay taxes, mortgages, insurance, on property at such a young age? Were they financially equipped to handle that responsibility? Are 9 year olds big enough to wear dad's ties? Or make decisions on a house they want to live in one day?
For the outside people. You all get to go on with your lives. You have your loved one to lay down with at night. You have your parents, children, your family. You also have opinions that need to be kept to yourself. If you have a question, ASK THE ADULT. Leave the children, adult children, out of it. If you wanted something of the person who passed, maybe you should have asked them while they were still alive.
Now, for the adult children. I can't even imagine how difficult it is for you. I just know how much I love mine and would do absolutely anything for them. But I won't be used, and I won't be taken advantage of, just like if Tony were still alive. Not everyone has a relationship with thier steps like I have with mine. But I love them as I love Aydin and Ashton. I want them to be successful. I want to continue to honor their dads legacy. But I too want to be happy. I want to be able to live and not feel guilty. I want their support now, as I supported them when they were younger. I enjoy the adult to adult relationship I have with them now. SO please outside people don't try and ruin it. Don't you think this is hard enough for all of us? The boys not sure where they fit? Insecurities all around.
I'll end with this. Its hard enough balancing the legacy of your beloved and moving forward in your life. Its hard enough for my boys with the practicality of it all let a lone the emotional side. While you're worried about a gold bracelet, Ashton is afraid daddy's scent will leave his pillow. While you mention money or inheritance, I'm worried about paying mortgages, college tuition, and upkeep of family property. While you're giving a false idea that I'm going to pack up and leave, all you're doing is pushing me away...from you, NOT my boys. So before you judge and form opinions of the step mother that has been widowed...remember, she too has lost someone. She too is grieving. Not all step mothers are like Cinderella's. We aren't evil. We are human and have feelings. We are doing the absolute best we can. Instead of gossiping, ask how you can help. If you have questions, ask. Maybe dad had a plan. Maybe there are future surprises that would HONOR HIM...like dog tags the day a son leaves for basic training. A wedding ring on a wedding day. A bracelet at a gala. Just remember, outside families don't always know all. Someone is hurting tonight. Someone is missing their dad or their husband. For me...I'm missing my whole family unit.
Thank you for giving Step mothers a bad name. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty...all the stories of the EVIL STEP MOTHER with fathers who died. The father who became sick and how their step mothers were STUCK to raise this child. How awful the children were treated...this misconception has trickled down throughout the years and painted a horrible picture of what a blended family OUGHT to be. Not all of us step mothers are bad. In fact, there is probably more good than bad. Many of us have slipped our step children extra cash when dad wasn't looking because we didn't want them to go hungry, or run out of gas. We sit in the background crying when they are sick because the doctors shove us out of the room for not being "blood." We are told, you don't understand because they aren't your biological child...but the truth is, we fell in love with our step children way faster than we ever fell in love with their dad. For me, it took 5 min of hugs and loves and stories to fall in love with my 3 stepsons...who in fact are my sons...step is not in our vocabulary. No one had a problem praising me for being at their concerts or in times of need. People envied the relationship I have with their moms. While Tony was alive, we had the perfect blended family. So why on earth, when Tony died, did I become the Evil Step Mother. The woman that would take everything and run. Sell all of their father's belongings and take my biological sons and leave. Maybe pain. Maybe because I don't want to be reminded of what I once had. Maybe because I'm grieving and I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. For me however, what hurt the most, is being LABELED. Outside people telling my boys what THEY are ENTITLED to. If dad was alive, would he have given a 19 year old a ring? One he could lose because he's not settled? If dad was alive, would he pass out his guns to an 11 year old who can't legally even have a gun? If dad was alive, what would he say to the greed of his personal possessions?
All this negativity does nothing but hurt the children. Break the trust and love that they share with their step parent. Truth is, its the greed of the outside people wanting to cause more pain to the deceased beloved. Now, not all are like that. Not all family is greedy. Why? Its called communication. Its called, we are ALL going to die one day. None of us are promised tomorrow and when I die, my diamonds will mean absolutely nothing to me. I asked Tony to sit down with the boys and explain his plans, his wishes, and his will. Honestly, it really wasn't anyone's business, but I wanted them to hear it from their dad. I mean lets face it. Did they want to pay taxes, mortgages, insurance, on property at such a young age? Were they financially equipped to handle that responsibility? Are 9 year olds big enough to wear dad's ties? Or make decisions on a house they want to live in one day?
For the outside people. You all get to go on with your lives. You have your loved one to lay down with at night. You have your parents, children, your family. You also have opinions that need to be kept to yourself. If you have a question, ASK THE ADULT. Leave the children, adult children, out of it. If you wanted something of the person who passed, maybe you should have asked them while they were still alive.
Now, for the adult children. I can't even imagine how difficult it is for you. I just know how much I love mine and would do absolutely anything for them. But I won't be used, and I won't be taken advantage of, just like if Tony were still alive. Not everyone has a relationship with thier steps like I have with mine. But I love them as I love Aydin and Ashton. I want them to be successful. I want to continue to honor their dads legacy. But I too want to be happy. I want to be able to live and not feel guilty. I want their support now, as I supported them when they were younger. I enjoy the adult to adult relationship I have with them now. SO please outside people don't try and ruin it. Don't you think this is hard enough for all of us? The boys not sure where they fit? Insecurities all around.
I'll end with this. Its hard enough balancing the legacy of your beloved and moving forward in your life. Its hard enough for my boys with the practicality of it all let a lone the emotional side. While you're worried about a gold bracelet, Ashton is afraid daddy's scent will leave his pillow. While you mention money or inheritance, I'm worried about paying mortgages, college tuition, and upkeep of family property. While you're giving a false idea that I'm going to pack up and leave, all you're doing is pushing me away...from you, NOT my boys. So before you judge and form opinions of the step mother that has been widowed...remember, she too has lost someone. She too is grieving. Not all step mothers are like Cinderella's. We aren't evil. We are human and have feelings. We are doing the absolute best we can. Instead of gossiping, ask how you can help. If you have questions, ask. Maybe dad had a plan. Maybe there are future surprises that would HONOR HIM...like dog tags the day a son leaves for basic training. A wedding ring on a wedding day. A bracelet at a gala. Just remember, outside families don't always know all. Someone is hurting tonight. Someone is missing their dad or their husband. For me...I'm missing my whole family unit.
Christy,
ReplyDeleteThe people who are trying to tear apart your family are jealous! They're jealous of the love and life you and Tony shared, they're jealous of the unconditional love you and your five sons have. These people are smallminded and petty... they're unhappy so, they don't want anyone else to be happy.
Obviously they don't know you! If they did, they'd see the beautiful young widow who has given and continues to give every ounce of herself to raising and supporting their children and honoring her deceased husband. They don't see the tears you shed or the decisions you have to make as a single parent.
Please continue to stay strong, relying on God for your strength. You are the last woman I would ever consider to be a "evil stepmother."
Don't let anybody put doubts in your mind. You have nothing to prove to anybody! It's obvious you love your boys and they love you!
Please remember there are plenty of friends and family who love and support you. Christy, you are an amazing woman and a honorable rolemodel. I admire your brave tenacity. You are a true blessing to anyone whose been fortunate enough to know you. And, most importantly... you are a wonderful, loving mother to your children!
My God continue to protect and bless you & your family. You are always in my prayers. Love you!