The Next Chapter - The New Journey, Life After...

Summer is here!!  That's always a happy time in our house.  We are not winter people.  We like the sunshine, BBQ, pool time.  We enjoy family time, corn holes, basketball, and me, I enjoy summer nights under the sky just soaking it all in.  The life that Tony and I worked so hard for.  We had our family Memorial Day cook out.  Nothing too big, just a small group of friends and family.  The boys were swimming in the pool, the smell of food on the grill filled the back yard.  The sound of laughter echoed.  I too, was happy.  I was smiling and telling jokes.  Not a care in the world.  Just how Tony would want it to be.  It was nice.  It was nice to be around family.  It was nice to be around adults that had experienced the same type of pain as me, and were ALSO enjoying life. I didn't have some magic epiphany or realization that I would be "ok."  That life would go on.  It was just nice.  To ha...

For 13 years he was always by my side.  I always had a date, a partner riding shot gun, someone to talk about my day with.  Now...that's gone.  No dear friends, its not the same when I talk to my girl friends, my brothers, my kids...its a different kind of lonely.  Its the lonely that brings out insecurities. The kind that reminds me of that little girl in high school that never got asked to prom.  The girl that wasn't good enough to commit too, the girl voted most likely to go no where, the one who struggled with weight, and so much more.  Tony helped me realize I was good enough, pretty enough, he made me feel like I mattered.  Because of him, I built my self confidence.  Because of him, I lost my insecurities...and now he's gone. A week ago I went to our Debbie's Dream Gala.  The weekend was perfect.  I found the perfect dress, the hotel let me check in early and even had my dress cleaned for me.  The spa was amazing, people at...